What happened to the days when Lindsay Lohan was good? When Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were a match made in heaven? When Aaron Carter was the dreamiest face around?

Where did they go? What happened to them.

What happened to the days when I let my imagination roam free? When I sought chaos for the thrill? When I could crack a joke?

We were made to search, weren’t we.

I’m not.

For the past four years I’ve done nothing but work. Humans were designed to work and I’m especially hardwired to do so, whether it be behind a register, by myself to Nikki Minaj, or for the greater good. Lucy works hard.

I haven’t always been like this. I remember not long ago when the mere thought of work made my fingers curl up. Recede into my flesh. I didn’t even know how to study until Junior Year. Now, I am constantly at work—working to be smarter, healthier, better. The streets honk at me to move faster. The bell rings to remind me: quicker!

But lately, I’ve done a lot of doing nothing. Doing nothing is a lot harder than you guys made it seem. But I ain’t turning down a challenge. I’m gonna give it my all and gonna prove to all y’all that I can do nothing better than anyone else. Aw yeah, I’m just a baller over-achiever like that.

Bring it.

Purpose: Shopping

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However, my supply is currently low—alarmingly low.

I use my assault rifle when attacking exams, sniper rifle when scoring deals, grenades when defending my pride, flamethrower when scorching art, rocket launchers for going out, pistol when firing insults, and sentinel when landing a sale.

Well, they’re still here. Just rendered useless as I’m low on ammo.

I fought the war but the war won. And now I need to rebuild my supply chain.

I’ve been rolling around in bed for two hours. Nothing is working, so I’ve resorted to Tumblr. Probably not the smartest idea.

I just had like ten thousand brain blasts.

This is the Lucy that I haven’t seen in a while. This is the Lucy that gets shit done. This is the Lucy that emerges from passion.

Right now, at New York Model Management, I am only a lowly intern. But for an intern, I have an awfully large load of responsibilities. Thrust ‘em on me. I am the sole creator and developer of the YouTube channel. And now, I’m looking to expand, innovate, conquer. It’s times like these I really see what I, and the young generation, are really capable of. There are no classes that can just teach you how to market, how to sell, how to appeal. You’ve got to know it, before you even try it. You’re either born a model or not. And I was born a salesperson.

Now this is the kind of business I was talking about.

I’ve just hired two additional interns to assist me in creating promotional videos, two film & television majors at Tisch. Together, we are going to bring this agency to the 21st century of social media marketing.

And with this renewed surge of devotion and determined destination, I will bring this eagerness right back to where I started—Fruity Yogurt. I don’t know why I can’t leave this place. I could have so many internships, including the amazing one I already hold, but I’d give it all away to work at Fruity Yogurt. This time I am purposeful. I need to make a difference, man, seriously. There is just so much potential in that place. I can see it every time I step into another restaurant, bakery or frozen dessert store.

Sometimes I think that place is me—vibrant and promising, but just lacking something crucial. I’ve got to find it, or else I’ll toss and turn forever.

I haven’t written anything in a while. And that is because I’ve been doing less thinking, and more doing—a recent short-term goal that is ironically the opposite of my long-term goal.

NYU is so different from a traditional college experiences that it ceases to be a tangible institution and is simply an experience. The campus is more of a concrete jungle than a conglomeration of students with a unified soul. NYU is not unified. It is even more diverse than the college application information sessions suggest. We are a stream of light diverging at the prism, in the heart of New York City.

The one thing I do like about NYU is that it offers students a lot of alone time, which is a thought most college students fear. There is little group activities or influential organizations to be a part of. It is so hard to get involve, even for the highly active and spirited few like me. And I didn’t even realize that until I had to talk about it in an interview. But having time alone—away from the chaos that is parades, protests, paranormal activity—you can find yourself. And isn’t that what college is about?

What is important isn’t that I know how to find the individual supply and demand curve of a given industry, but that I know who I am.

That process is currently pending.