In college, honest students are overlapped. Hard working students finish last. Caring students are shot in the foot with a gun before the race even starts.
What is the point of studying when there are students that use others to do their work, load up on Adderall, and cheat on the exam? What is the point of putting in 100% when the way the system is set up is to reward those who can put as little in as possible? What’s the point of helping others, being considerate, or having an inkling of a heart if others will use you, wring out the last drops, and sabotage even your faintest success?
When I toured this “institution”, I couldn’t believe there were students who jumped from the top floor of the library. I thought they were dumb, selfish, and quitters. But last night, I realized something.
No one would jump if they haven’t tried their very hardest, exhausted every option no matter how unattractive, or hoped that the future would be better. This school is not made up of kids like that. This world is not made up of people like that. There’s just a point where everything is so unpredictable, inconsistent, and proven to continually disappoint that death seems so beautiful. The end, at least, is not an illusion.
Somehow, it’s the only comforting thing for me now. Knowing that at least my ultimate demise is waiting patiently for my arrival. It is frank and welcoming. It accepts me for the honest, hard working, and caring person that I am. No more disappointment…
I hope to God, that this is not the case for everyone else, or blessed be their souls.